My Gift Is My Song, And This One's For You

Mood: Meh. Studying, yay!
Watching: Sin City: The Hard Goodbye (holy shit, I forgot how awesome this movie was!)

Continuing the epic saga of el Chuck, one day at a time....

Question 3: Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical. Which option do you select?

Answer: Sick fuck that I am, I'm going to have to go for Hitler's skull. Now, don't get me wrong, I think turtles are adorable and I'm sure they're relatively easy to take care of. It's the wording of the question that troubles me. What is a "relatively" normal turtle? Does this imply that something may or may not be wrong with this turtle, but that in all other matters it's normal? I don't want to get some haggard turtle that's going to croak on me due to some pre-existing turtle disease before the two years is up. Homey don't play that.
Hitler's skull on the other hand is both an entertaining conversation piece ("Oh, what's that?" "Hitler's skull." "How the fuck did you get Hitler's skull?!") and two years worth of fun. Since the skull must be displayed apolitically I can't use it to prop up a menorah or write "Die Nazi Scum" on it in permanent marker, or put a pink triangle on it or anything like that. HOWEVER, if I wanted to turn Hitler's skull into, say, a candy dish, that wouldn't be unacceptable. I'd just have to plug up the entry wound for that bullet, but the fire would probably have burned away any remaining bits of tissue (also the passing of time). I could use it as a vase, keep goldfish in there (again with some more plugging of holes), use it as a candle holder, hold readings of "Hamlet" and use it as a prop. Hitler: perpetrator of human atrocities, man of many household uses.

That and I could really use the money.